Lack Of Motivation Isn’t The Problem

The topic of motivation has been an ongoing source of frustration for most of my adult life, and I thought it fitting to make it the subject of my first published post here. I’ve come to realize that lack of motivation isn’t my problem at all.

To offer up some experience and credibility on the subject, I should tell you that I’ve had the idea for this blog since 2017. I even bought the website back then, built it up as best I could, and wrote some good first drafts of a few articles.

But I couldn’t keep up the momentum. My “motivation” waxed and waned, and any slight kick in the ass from motivational articles was very temporary.

This has been my business plan (and passion project in my head) for years, but only now am I making physically tangible progress on it every day. This article is finished, so I know I’m doing something right. But what was happening with my motivation between 2016 and the present?

Answer: Financial insecurity and the debilitating time-and-energy-suck of a dead end job.

I’ve had to do a lot of soul searching throughout my life to get to the point of giving out that answer quickly and confidently. If you want to write it off as a cop-out, I wouldn’t necessarily blame you. I go back and forth with it myself, and still have to constantly remind myself that I’m not just plain lazy.

Lack of Motivation is Society’s Problem

We grew up in a Pull-Yourself-Up-By-Your-Bootstraps society, so it only makes sense that we’ll feel shame and doubt in ourselves when we aren’t 100% thriving, or when we aren’t pushing and contorting ourselves trying to survive.

And if we aren’t happy in our positions? Well, that’s our own damn fault.

But I’ve taken the time to get to know myself reasonably well. I actually am very motivated. I know my wants and needs, but there are limitations to getting them met. I know these aspects of myself are not faults.

I do a lot of online searches for different perspectives (And for enjoyment. Thankfully it’s something I actually want to do when I can’t bring myself to do anything), and this reason for lack of motivation is practically never talked about. Some talk about burnout or being overwhelmed, but those are symptoms of the underlying disease.

The last article I read (which I refuse to link to) actually said that while a person might need rest, they think the real problem is they need more action when they’re feeling overwhelmed. How unbelievably invalidating and infuriating.

This isn’t what a struggling human needs to hear.

I really wish we’d do better at diving deeper to the core. Maybe my message doesn’t sound as hopeful or exciting, and maybe it doesn’t sell, but I think it delivers a more empowering message than, “here’s how to fix what’s wrong with you.”

This motivation they’re selling works only as a temporary fix.

With that in mind, if there’s one thing I want you to take from this article, it’s that you should never feel bad about not being able to do your best work (or really any work) under less than ideal circumstances.

Our society gives us the worst of circumstances to work with. At the very least of what we deal with, we’re spending about half of our waking life doing the thing that affords us food and shelter and maybe a little extra if we’re very lucky.

I’ve met enough people in my life to know that most don’t even like their jobs, nor do they feel appreciated at them.

There is a lot to process and unpack mentally and emotionally for people in this position (or possibly a lot of denial/distraction to keep up), without even considering the time and energy it takes to maintain personal relationships or care for a family.

I refuse to discount this as a legitimate reason for inaction in other areas of interest and betterment. Most people will tell you that it’s just the way it is, and you have to work within the system. That it’s a reason, not an excuse. Work hard off the clock until you’ve tipped the scales with your side hustle.

Hustle. I despise that term.

We Aren’t Failures

Maybe there’s some wisdom there, but I’m more interested in acknowledging that it just plain doesn’t work that way for me and learning why that’s the case. If I don’t do that, what conclusion could I possibly come to, other than that right now, in this moment, I’m a total failure? It’s not going to get me anywhere to think of myself as a failure, or lazy, or uninspired.

There are a lot of people out there that will tell you if you don’t do it, you must not want it badly enough. This is simply not the case.

Some of you may be lucky enough to already be working a fulfilling career that actually pays well and leaves you energy to take up other interests and enough time for relationships. This article might not be for you, but I still hope you take some time to understand what it’s like for others who aren’t so lucky.

What Does It Feel Like?

It is absolutely crippling to know- to feel in your chest- that you’re meant for a different kind of life, only to have to spend every day at a job that barely gets you ahead financially (if that). Even more crippling is the constant preoccupation with how you’re going to afford everything you need.

Spend enough time in this position, and you will feel helpless, hopeless, joyless, and de-motivated (and honestly I think this is by design). I feel it, and I know so many others do, too. Unfortunately, many take it as a personal failing.

I want you to know that it’s not.

There have been so many days where I felt such a deep longing for Freedom, to where it’s difficult to even comprehend that this is my reality.

It couldn’t possibly be me that is still doing this, me that has to go to this same place for yet another day. I can’t picture myself there. It doesn’t feel like something I would do. How have I not found another way by now? I’m an intelligent person!

I’ve felt Freedom before, and my body remembers. I can feel it right here, so close, like a word on the tip of my tongue…

It’s such a devastating and desperate feeling. And I know it’s necessary to feel this as it comes, and I even know these feelings are useful for my writing, but I cannot write when I feel them.

But wait! A day, even two, when the fog has lifted and the world has come into focus. It’s a day off. It’s as if the sun has suddenly broken through the dense clouds behind my eyes, and I’m miraculously…healed. Grateful, bright, and light. Everything is clear; everything is okay…

And I still do not sit down to write.

I bounce around and clean my house while I have that good energy. I do some grocery shopping and cooking, because I need real food in my life. And then I reach out to friends to enjoy this beautiful day, because I need to share my good spirits when I have them, and soak up all the joy that my people bring to me.

I say all this only to show you that I understand. Motivation is not as simple as wanting something and doing it. Nothing in this life is so simple. This is not our failing.

So what can we do about it? I would say the best start is from the inside out.

Validate The Reason You’re Struggling

I think the first step to becoming inspired in the midst of this living hell (Too far? Nah) is to first validate your struggle. And I mean really internalize it. And when you think you’ve finally beaten it in there, keep doing it every day as it comes, because a lifetime of conditioning is a bitch.

Validate all of the catch 22s that keep you stuck with no direction to turn. Validate your exhaustion. Validate your brain fog. Don’t blame yourself for stagnation. Don’t blame yourself for not having the energy. Don’t blame yourself for having the energy for one thing over another. There are only so many hours in the day.

Don’t tell yourself you must have depression, or ADHD, or any number of diagnosable illnesses or disabilities. Sure, it’s possible. But odds are, when you consider what you’re expected to deal with day after day, and then consider how you’re expected to perform despite it all, you’ll realize it’s society’s illness, not yours.

Your depression or inability to focus is probably because you’re burned out, being taken advantage of, and/or doing things that aren’t aligning with your value system (And screens- don’t forget screens. Those aren’t your fault, either).

I’m no doctor, and I don’t want you to ignore a health problem if you really think there is one, but I have a hard time believing afflictions like “High-Functioning Depression” actually exist.

I think we all know deep down that the status quo of societal pressures and expectations isn’t okay, but it’s so deeply ingrained that it makes more sense to blame ourselves.

Keep in mind, I still forget all this on a daily basis and revert back to personal doubt and blame constantly, but I’ve gotten so much better at redirecting those thoughts before they take hold.

Removing some responsibility from yourself is not taking the easy way out. Identifying an injustice is a catalyst for change, but it’s not all there is. I agree that simply passing off blame and complaining about how things are isn’t very useful, albeit cathartic. This is just the first piece.

Getting To Know Yourself

Once you’re done blaming yourself and done wondering what’s wrong with you, you’ll have some brain-space freed up to start considering more about who you really are. The person who lives in the shadows of all of the expectations ingrained by society.

I swear, self-awareness is the key to everything. I believe true self-analysis can come only after the self-blame stops and validation prevails.

Awareness doesn’t come with judgment. There’s no positive or negative attached, it’s really just observation. There’s no right or wrong, and no permanent conclusions.

So, what makes you tick? What do you value, and what are your values? What are you okay with, and what do you refuse to tolerate. What induces a feeling of inspiration, and conversely, what paralyzes you in your tracks? After asking the “whats”, then move on to the infinite “whys”.

Think about the times you’ve taken action- really any action that you didn’t absolutely have to do (housework counts, by the way). Think about why you felt it was important for you to do whatever it was, and think about what was going on in your life at the time.

This will all help you to get a good idea of what the most ideal circumstances are for you to take action.

Keep in mind that this shouldn’t be an exhausting practice that takes much energy. Just make sure to leave judgments and comparisons to others at the door, and get excited and curious about yourself. Plus, it’s something you can do anytime your brain doesn’t have to be actively engaged with something else…washing dishes, showering, driving to work.

Once you start connecting the dots, it only makes sense that you’ll start making moves toward what matters most to you and what you want to accomplish. And you may even realize there are some things you can cut out of your life that will make your days easier or take the pressure off.

A quick example for me personally is that I prefer to live with the bare minimum of things, and it doesn’t occur to me very often to buy something I don’t need. I also don’t shower every day or wash my clothes after every wear. Living minimally is something I came to value for many reasons, so that makes sense, and I don’t feel like I’m depriving myself of anything.

And sometimes I worry my minimalistic nature was born from pure laziness. And then I remind myself that simply not caring about unnecessary things is not laziness, and I shut the hell up with that talk.

It’s so easy for those judgments to sneak in, but they can just as easily be kicked out.

If you make it a regular practice to assess and consider your values, you’ll start seeing the ways in which you can better honor them. Your life may not change all at once, but I guarantee at least small decisions will be affected, and those will add up.

Progress is not necessarily something you can measure every day.

This is where that Need-to-Muster-up-Motivation ends, and Inspiration begins.

I may not have physically worked on this blog for the last 5 years to where I could prove any progress, but I have consciously made moves for it to become possible to work on today. I kept the idea in my head- kept the fire burning, as they say (as opposed to burning the candle from both ends).

I started thinking intentionally about it, composing monologues in my head. I started telling the story of Me, instead of just thinking in circles. I sought out articles and different perspectives. I paid close attention to myself and learned a lot. I did this for years, and I’m not stopping.

I changed up my living situation to be making money off of my house while still living in it. That came with a decent amount of work and major inconveniences (like giving the side of the house with plumbing), but these inconveniences align with my values, and are worth it to get me closer to working only for myself.

But do you want to know when I started getting to work on this? When I found myself without any job, but also with enough money to survive on. Tada.

I had already figured out a long time ago that I’m a person who will thrive if I’m not stressed out and under pressure. I’m fortunate enough to be back in that position again, with my new husband taking the brunt of the financial responsibility.

I can’t help but feel a little guilty, but he had already made the decision to say goodbye to his soul-sucking career and made his move to be a full-time musician. So he’s happy with his work and has discouraged me several times from getting a “real” job.

I won’t argue that I’m not more privileged than others, and I can’t dispute that some things are just luck-of-the-draw. But I do know that I have taken these steps and stayed focused on what I want, “waiting” for my chance to come along.

I got clearer and clearer on who I am, what I want, and how to do it. I kept making the decisions that led to the right circumstances to finally be able to begin.

I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this if I hadn’t been building up this idea for years prior. I was ready when the opportunity presented itself.

And I know you can be, too.

And if you’re not? I’d say quit that soul-sucking job, anyway, and figure it out as you go.